More conversations....now do these chats look anything like the hollywood script posted earlier today on geo's fantasy wall?
[10/22/2010 1:07:48 PM] Chris Geo: how are you today?
[10/22/2010 1:07:55 PM] Chris Geo: I'm just trying to help louie out
[10/22/2010 1:08:00 PM] Chris Geo: and keep myself occupied ;)
[10/22/2010 1:12:01 PM] Chris Geo: and I understand, you need time to think about things and get comfortable enough to let me into that wall you've put up around you. I completely understand and it's ok. I just feel like I should not keep running into it because quite frankly, despite my horns being tough, it still hurts a bit. So just let me know when the coast is clear ok??
[10/22/2010 1:13:06 PM] Chris Geo: actually, it hurts a lot more than just a bit. But that's neither her nor there.
[10/22/2010 1:13:26 PM] Chris Geo: *here nor there*
[10/22/2010 1:20:53 PM] Chris Geo: and quite frankly, it's tough for me to not say sweet things to you because I'm use to speaking from the heart. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic, "love at first sight" etc. etc. etc. It's probably just progaming I need to work on. So yea.... take your time and let me know if and when the time is right for you.
[10/22/2010 1:31:44 PM] Chris Geo: But you know, I think communication is really one of the major keys to life. So rather than leave it at with you wondering or assuming what I mean, maybe I should just say it. You haven't once said anything to the effect of "I can't wait to see you", "I'd love to give you a hug", "I want to be in your arms", nothing even remotely close. I've been feeling like I've been talking you into something you don't want to do and the last thing I want to do is force something that isn't right. And it seems like when you do open up a bit, you quickly retract it and just confuse the hell out of me. And then to take it a step further I see you giving more affection and warmth to people you are totally not interested in than me. So it has me wondering, "wow, I must be really low on the todem pole". And yes, we've spent hours and hours on the phone, and it's GREAT! But yea... that's where I am and what i'm feeling now. So I'm leaving it all up to you butterfly.
[10/22/2010 3:44:58 PM] Christie Aphrodite: hi there...I'm sorry, I don't want to make you feel that way. You are right, I need time, time to understnad what's going on, time to absorb the pain of losing my sweet little angels that I think about constantly, cry at night because I miss them so much, feeling their sweet little cheeks, their smiles, their hugs...they were my life! Not many people can understand this type of love until you have it so there are not many people I can talk about that with. I need to process this now and alchemize these feelings into my internal power. As for giving time to people, that's what I do, I love everyone...like I said before, when I enter into relationships, friendships I ask, how can I lift this person up...what does this person need. Being able to absorb and disperse their stuff helps me process my own, I need to be available for whoever needs me. I'm not much into frivolous relationships, yet I want my time free to be available for where ever the spirit leads me. I also need my time completely alone to figure these things out and reclaim my power. I know I am on the verge of something big, a major breakthrough here which is instrumental not only in my growth, but the path I chose. I cannot move forward when silly little things are festering at the surface....like yours and Louie's disdain for moose and the need to talk about or denigrate those in your life that you don't like. I like to know that I am safe when opening my heart and when I hear you go on about ex's and treating women as objects, that doens't make me feel safe and loved. It makes me question your intent...I hear you say one thing, then a few minutes later, something totally contradictory...that causes me to reel in my trust, pushes me back in my soul...but I think that's where I need to be...perhaps the reason I keep getting those signs...I didn't feel comfortable with your questions of Tobias in your perception of my "issues and or path." To try to prove me wrong in your limited experience...? It makes me think geez...I'm not respected, my whole life has to be publicized...from one's perception without really understanding where I'm coming from...? Then to hear you both denigrate me and realize that you are telling people things about me that are supposed to be personal...how does that facilitate trust? I can't completely trust someone just like that out of the blue just because you tell me I can. If that was so, I think you would be showing me on these shows and such that you really are that person who will hold my feelings and emotions in high reguard, not to be desicrated by perception and occasional twisting of information to suit your needs. I don't fault you, I think the world of you, but I feel like I have been pressured into a relationship...we don't even know each other and I don't think you take my life and true path seriously. If I really was the woman foor you or the woman you've been looking for, then you would be willing to wait, wait for me to be the woman I want to be, wait for me to feel comfortable with sharing that type of relationship, not you trying to convince me that there is something wrong with me because I don't feel the need for that type of relationship. I have ot be honest with you, I thought your "shows" with Louie last night were disgusting and while it's none of my business what you do, I believe it's relevent to be truthful about it when explaining how your actions have contributed to me feeling that this is not right and questioning how much I really can trust you. I think I have been disrespeced enough...maybe it's immaturity, maybe it's just a game for you and Louie, but while I love you both, I have had enough of that. What's with all the talk about infinite love? Where is the work? Where is the resistence? Where is the dedication? Simply saying it doesn't make it so...I could have though of a million better things to do this past week, productive things, but it was more important to you to play games... I really don't even want to say these things because I don't want to be a party to any bad feelings. I don't have any hard feeling towards you, or Louie, but I have to choose what feels good in my life and what doesn't. That doesn't feel good to me, I would rather spend my time in my studies and making a better life, a better self, a better world... I'm not impressed by "big names" and I'm not impressed with the material perception of the world... I realize many do not understand my chpoices,but they are not for others to understand, they are for me to understand. One minute you ask for my wisdom, then the next tell me I'm totally wrong and you know better even though you've never experienced what I have and even though you really don't even understand the wholness of my expereince....perhaps this time you complain about me spending with other people could be better psent trying to get to know that part of me if that was your goal. Instead it's like a contest to prove me wrong...maybe my path is wrong for you, tha'ts perfectly okay, but it is not wrong for me. It is me, it is my choice and those in my life that I choose to entrust with my faith and intimate love will understand that. I appreciate you believing you can escape pain and loss, and I really hope you do...however it is in those experiences where you find God and your true inner power...I am in one of those deaths and rebirths rigth now, I need to be encouraged, not discouraged from feeling my pain......while ayhuasca and dmt are fabulous, they are not the end all be all. It takes much more work than that...and I think wholeheartedly relying on that for spiritual insights is somewhat limiting and dependent. I take my path very seriously and I don't think anyone should question my associations, especially when you yourself are not exactly making the best decisions in who you choose to hang with. Wasn't it you befriending jim for over 6 months? I only lasted a few weeks and never looked back, never prank called him, never did anytihg other that document the evidence of his attacks so I ahd something to answer the feds with every time they came to my door courtesy of jim....who you heard ADMITTED working WITH my family...then you go and tell me that I am being hurt because of my choices...LMAO I really don't think you understand that there are some things out of your control that happen for something entirely different than we are capable of understanding at the time...............I also believe that is insensitive and somewhat arrogant and immature.......which is okay, it's just where you are on your path, but I do promise you this...if you really do want to be a shaman, you WILL see things from a deeper perspective and you WILL experience the yuck of the world...if not, how wil you ever have the compasison to help others in their dark night...? So you can disagree with me all you want, but to air our personal conversations on the show or other shows is not cool in my book, it is hurtful and I don't think it's something that someone I could trust with my heart would do. I love doing shows with you, I like being able to discuss and point out all possibilities of all sides of every issue, that's what I've been doing here for years. I know I have a lot to offer, I have substance, experience and heart...I'm not misleading anyone, lying to anyone or trying to gain from anyone or their names. I am following my path the way Spirit has lead.........you can disagree with me all you want, but do not force me to think something else, then talk about me becuase you don't get your way...I really suggest, as I did before that you take some time to get to know yourself. I feel that if you do not, and do not TRULY ask Zach to go away that you will continue to fall into the deceptions of the physical realms. I think you ahve the right idea to lock yourself in your studio and work on your next album...you are soooooooooooooooooo very talented, you are a powerhouse within, but I don't even think you know your real power. I think you have had glimpses of physical power, which is totally different than inner power. Inner power can say no to the powers that be, are not mesmerized by the flashy lights and glitter...........not just go along with it because it wil be more confortable and even possible more fun, or to get you a higher social status....that's not my world, I'm uncomfortable in that world...I really want to see you use your inner power, recognize it and see that you do not have to give in to your frivolous physical desires to feel good or to reach spiritual realms. Yes, it can be used in that way, but that is not something that can be rushed in to..................that takes a long time to build that type of trust and when done unconsiously will only invite "demons" and negative influences in........also, having sex with a woman, will implant your buddy Zach and whoever else you ahve there in her!!! Do you know that? This is serious, this is not a game and not to be taken lightly! I have battled these guys by myself all these years! I will not be with a man in that manner that I have to worry about being sucked on or implanted with their demons...I have worked hard my whole life to get where I am...and although there is much more, I am PURE. I am not going to mix my energy with anything other than that which is pure. I would love to see you do the work, I would love to see you achieve all you dream of, I would love to see you realize you can be even bigger and greater than that...............I think for now, if you don't hate me for not falling for your advances just like that, I would like to be there for you in your growth. I would like to do what we can to make a successful show together. I would like to take TIME to see if I can trust you with my most sacred inner world.......I would like to see where our ideas and experiences can take us...I would like to get to know you no quicker than I am comfortable with, I would like to not have to defend myself and my reasons for doing things the way I do...I would like to speak only of positive things...things that will help us move forward spiritually, emotionally, physically...I would like to see this creative power in action with no attachments to any outcome...just knowing that we are doing the best thing we could be doing with our time at this moment. If it is important to you that I am ready and willing to have an intimate relationship, then I have to make sure you know that I am not capable of providing that right now...if that is what you need, I am sorry, I am not that woman. I cannot force myself to be and neither can anyone else. I want you to be happy, and if that makes you unhappy, I respect your needs and respect how you choose to proceed. I mean no ill will and certainly don't want to confuse you or hurt you anymore. I do not want to be the source of anyone's pain so whatever I have to do to make that better, please let me know. I apologize for any pain I may have caused you and hope you forgive me. If what I need right now is not okay with you, I totally understand. I want you to be yourself and be true to your heart. Thank you for listening to my ramble............... :)
[10/22/2010 4:06:47 PM] Chris Geo: hey there
[10/22/2010 4:06:48 PM] Chris Geo: WOW
[10/22/2010 4:07:12 PM] Chris Geo: I'm really happy that you finally opened up to me and told me how you feel. I feel very relieved.
[10/22/2010 4:07:24 PM] Chris Geo: And I completely understand where you are coming from.
[10/22/2010 4:07:51 PM] Chris Geo: I think about your girls on a daily basis but I don't mention it because you don't. I wish I were the shoulder that you cry on.
[10/22/2010 4:08:32 PM] Chris Geo: And I understand the loss you are going through. But again, I didn't mention is because you don't mention it. I'm sorry if I'm confused as to how to handle this situation.
[10/22/2010 4:08:55 PM] Chris Geo: And the last thing I want to do is "push" you into a relationship. That's why I just backed off.
[10/22/2010 4:11:33 PM] Chris Geo: and no, I don't feel you are wrong. We each walk our own path. I was simply trying to point out that there is another way.
[10/22/2010 4:13:30 PM] Chris Geo: and I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I really am. I felt like I was trying to be something that you didn't want me to be, so I stopped telling Louie "hey, watcha mouf" whenever he'd say something disrespectful to you.
[10/22/2010 4:15:01 PM] Chris Geo: There is nothing more that I would love then to be your MAN. And I'm not talking about being with you, I mean, doing the things a man should do for his woman. Standing up for her to begin with. But I've been pretty hurt with the lack of response that I started to feel like I was playing the fool.
[10/22/2010 4:15:26 PM] Chris Geo: And I know I bring myself down to a lower level when I'm on Lou's show. I know that it's very unbecoming of me.
[10/22/2010 4:18:57 PM] Chris Geo: I'm just going to back off everything right now and just chill
[10/22/2010 4:22:24 PM] Chris Geo: And I'll be here butterfly. I'm not going anywhere
[10/22/2010 4:22:36 PM] Chris Geo: Take as much time as you need. Really.
[10/22/2010 4:23:00 PM] Chris Geo: I'm a ram... sorry if I butted into you. It's what I do
[10/22/2010 4:23:02 PM] Chris Geo: :P
[10/22/2010 4:23:29 PM] Chris Geo: can you forgive me for intruding and hurting you?
[10/22/2010 4:41:37 PM] Christie Aphrodite: lol, thank you.........of course.............sorry had to go bathe and hang :)
[10/22/2010 4:42:09 PM] Christie Aphrodite: cleanse and meditate...it's so beautiful outside right now...all the colors, the beautiufl birdies singing...the crickets...gentle warm breeze...
[10/22/2010 4:42:19 PM] Chris Geo: can I call you for a few?
more to come, I promise.
:-)
Thanks for your silly stories about me ego, I now feel justified and exposing you for the slime you are.
:-)
So do any of these chats look like I was chasing geo or was it the other way around?
Funny how they always say the same thing after you tell these little boys no.
His reply here:
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Who's Zooming Who?
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